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This same pattern shows up, magnified, on the political stage. Narcissistic control in government thrives on flipping the script and silencing watchdogs.

Authoritarian leaders, like narcissistic family members, rely on well-worn tactics to manufacture a psychological state of volatile uncertainty — where outcomes aren’t just unknown, but constantly shifting and unpredictable. This overwhelms the brain’s ability to anticipate and prepare, keeping people mentally off-balance and easier to control. The good news: Awareness works like a vaccine, gradually building psychological immunity against further harm.

Non comprendo

@Civha il y a google translate au besoin

@Civha bonjour

Donald J Trump est un narcissique pervers

For another patient, “moving the goalposts” was the favored tactic of her ex-boyfriend to generate such volatility. He would make a demand (under the guise of “improving her”) and then change the expectation once it was met. In government, this looks like constantly reversing policies or public positions so that citizens, the media and allies remain unmoored.

“The White House has no idea what it’s doing on tariffs and keeps flip-flopping... Why even do an exemption if you’re going to reverse it soon?” Rep. Ted Lieu (D-Calif.) posted on X on April 13, referring to more than 50 flip-flops on tariff policies since Trump’s inauguration.

Many dismiss these reversals as mere incompetence or poor strategy — and it’s true that narcissism is associated with more impulsive, error-prone decision-making. But anyone familiar with narcissistic abuse understands the deeper maneuver: Whether consciously or not, narcissists hold power by keeping others in a state of psychological whiplash. And it works.

At its core, emotional control is the narcissist’s primary goal: to protect a fragile sense of self-importance and entitlement by maintaining the grand illusion that supports it — without empathy for others. While it’s important to note that narcissistic pathology by no means equates to abuse, there are more aggressive versions that use confusion, despair and emotional bonds like loyalty to control how others think and feel, secure a constant flow of admiration or reactivity, shield themselves from shame and keep others attached — even against their best interests.

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Of the dizzying array of tactics, perhaps the most effective is crisis manufacturing. The constant emergencies aren’t flukes — they’re by design. They keep everyone in survival mode, distracting from deeper issues and ensuring the narcissist stays at the center of attention and control.

For my patients who have survived narcissistic abuse, it might be an explosive tantrum, a threat to seek full custody or a frantic late-night call about a (fabricated) mugging. On the national stage, it takes the form of rhetorical escalations, legal threats or emergency declarations designed to dominate the news cycle and overwhelm opposition.

The nervous system can only take so much. Fight (rage), flight (escape planning), freeze (paralysis), fawn (capitulation) and flop (hopelessness) are natural survival responses — but they also keep us stuck. Healing — in therapy and in democracy — begins by recognizing when we’re trapped in these states and learning how to return to grounded, organized action.

In my work, I help people identify and unwind these patterns. They begin to understand they’re not just anxious or distracted for no reason — they’re reacting to prolonged psychological coercion. The same is true for societies under narcissistic leadership. This isn’t just politics. It’s millions of nervous systems in fight-or-flight mode.

One of my patients responds to her mother’s barrage of abusive texts — a stream of accusations, victim posturing, theatrical crises and financial demands — by reaching for her flashcards. Each card is labeled with a tactic she’s learned to spot: Deny, Attack, Play the Victim, Perform the Hero, Create Crisis. Instead of being wrung out like a towel — her body drained of clarity by her mother’s volatility — she names each tactic as it arises.

Naming gives her distance. It helps her stay calm, grounded and in control of her response. The unpredictable becomes predictable. That’s what psychological immunity looks like in real life.

I’ve watched many patients wrestle their way out of the fog of narcissistic control. It doesn’t happen all at once. It begins with grieving what cannot be changed and focusing, with fierce clarity, on what remains within reach. It means reclaiming attention, setting boundaries and refusing to give your power to someone who thrives on your reactivity.

I’m also watching how this dynamic plays out in institutions. When law firms, universities or political bodies bend to powerful figures instead of upholding shared values, it mirrors what happens in abusive households: Everyone walks on eggshells. In such environments, self-protection becomes the priority, and choices are made not from alignment with values but from fear.

But recovery begins when people stop playing along or exhausting energy in cycles of infighting. Instead of spending precious bandwidth on disbelief or outrage, the goal is to name the tactic, call out the harm, cultivate trusted support and let go of what is beyond your control. Persistent engagement in shock, bargaining or rumination often reflects the mind’s attempt to delay the grief associated with profound loss — private and emotional for my patients, social and institutional for our country.

When Dorothy pulled back the curtain and revealed the Wizard as an insecure man with a microphone and a smoke machine, she shattered the illusion that had kept an entire city captive. In therapy, that moment of recognition is just as powerful. Once someone sees the manipulation for what it is, the spell begins to break.

From a trauma psychologist’s perspective, what can a nation do once the curtain is pulled back?

First: Stop enabling. Reactive efforts to clean up the damage often backfire, shielding narcissists from accountability and allowing them to retain influence. On a political level, this means pausing to strategize before rushing in to fix the narcissist’s mess. Strategic restraint — like that practiced by House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, who has been criticized for not “swinging at every pitch” — is not weakness. It’s discipline.

One technique I teach is called “gray rocking”: refusing to feed the narcissist’s need for drama, attention or emotional reactivity. Gray rocking means becoming sturdy and repetitive — not reactive or maximalist — a boring target for someone addicted to power. Reacting with hyperbole or hysteria only emboldens narcissists. Deny them the fuel they seek. This is hard work. But it’s how an abuser loses power.

Then: Set boundaries. In therapy, that might mean saying no repeatedly, like a broken record, and building the support system to stay safe. On a national scale, it means working together to reestablish constitutional guardrails such as due process, checks and balances, and freedom of speech. By using loopholes — like invoking 18th century wartime laws — to expand his power, Trump has exposed the weak spots in American democracy.

As our founding documents remind us: “A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free People.” The Constitution is not just a legal structure — it’s psychological scaffolding against narcissistic control.

"- Et indian floodère, il floodère longtemps, et il eut beaucoup de bannissement".

Inouï

Bonjour à tous

Bonjour à vous Florent et Civha.

Indian tu piges l'anglais ?

Rebonjour ma très chère

J'ai publié un court article sur sœur Julie Rodzińska. Ça va faire changement de la longue liste de commentaires en anglais.

Fides a écrit : ↑23 mai25, 02:38 J'ai publié un court article sur sœur Julie Rodzińska. Ça va faire changement de la longue liste de commentaires en anglais.

J'ai lu, article très intéressant.

Oui

Pour la Juste Julie Rodzińska

Oui, il faudra que je fasse une vidéo à propos de ces belles vies.

Fides a écrit : ↑23 mai25, 02:42 Oui, il faudra que je fasse une vidéo à propos de ces belles vies.

Oui tout à fait, c'est une très bonne idée. Ca permettrait d'en savoir plus sur eux et de les faire connaitre.

Je vous encourage à la faire la vidéo.

Oui, je commencerai par faire une vidéo diaporama avec des images que je mettrai en couleur pour chaque personne.

Fides a écrit : ↑23 mai25, 02:48 Oui, je commencerai par faire une vidéo diaporama avec des images que je mettrai en couleur pour chaque personne.

Comme un hommage ?

Oui, un peu dans ce style.

Civha a écrit : ↑23 mai25, 02:37 Indian tu piges l'anglais ?

oui

Tu lis tout seul